dRONA

Small B looks dashing as Our desi Superhero in DRONA…
The older superheroes who wear their chaddies embarrassingly over their pants will be jealous of him. Drona not only wears his chaddi under his pants but also a dazzling sherwani over it complete with a duppatta. There is also something sort of a metallic bob (…like that of a pendulum in the physics lab) tied on the forehead by means of a dilapidated thread. The attire becomes complete with a shinning sword (well…I must mention that there is something inscribed on the sword in an unknown machine language…weather it intentional or a manufacturing defect is not clear to me…!!!) which he sometimes carries on his back like He Man. Aah…there is also a golden wristband which serves a dual purpose as a code breaker.
Every superhero has superpowers…Superman can fly and kick ass from mid air…Spiderman can jump within megastructures and throw his impenetrable net on the villains…Even Shakti Man can fly (…around his self created orbit) and kick off unwanted satellites … as far as drona’s powers are concerned there are pleanty.First of all Drona can fight and fight really hard dressed in this wedding costume…he can also uproot maingates of unfortunate houses by a sheer pull (…this he shares common with our sunny pajji…remember pajji had also uprooted a tube-well in gadar…??? ).Though Drona cant fly ,fans can feel happy because he skillfully rides a horse(a highly suspicious white horse that comes and goes at its own will…!!!) which runs faster than the wind (even with 2 passengers i.e small B and Priyanka) and can gallop merrily even over locomotives. Apart from these qualities Drona is extremely courageous , highly intelligent, greatly adventurous and loves his mother and loves Priyanka Chopra…!!!
The plot is simple enough for the aam admi to understand. Drona in his early life is unaware of all stuff and lives in UK like a cool dude. Mysterious blue petals keep flying around him all the way from nowhere give the viewers an idea that something extraordinary is brewing that will take up at least 2 hours of the film to sort itself up. Sooner than later the facts come up clearly.Drona is king (of some unknown land which resembles the sahara desert ) and is duty bond to protect some amrit (well I wish I could have a spoonful of that…!!! ) that has been closely guarded by his family for generations since the great amrit-manthan episode (please refer the Vedas and Upanishads for more details …) from the evil KK Menon …err sorry Riz Rayzyada( I must say this is the only guy who could impress with his acting). Priyanka with warrior princess looks throughout is an integrated bodyguard and girlfriend.
Well Drona reaches his celebrated kingdom in the sahara with bad boy KK following him at his heels and the adventure begins.He meets his mom and learns a few more facts. Thankfully mamma is petrified into a statue by evil spirits as per the requirements of the plot.Drona adventures along mysterious places and among the graveyards of his forefathers.Aah…the graveyards remind me of little sparkling Saraswati Puja pandals kids make over here .These seemed to me to be made out of thermacol sheets ,cardboard, tarpaulin sheets and colored fliers…(seems so strange for high budget films like these ). I cant recollect clearly but I think there is a weird song somewhere near here (…not an item number fortunately).There a some pathetic special effects that will make you feel like borrowing Drona’s sword and banging your head with it…&#$@* But if you liked Alif Laila , u would definitely love this…

Well guys I couldn’t bear to see the rest but I can solemnly assure you that before the film ends the evil villain must have been eliminated and our divine amrit is safe in the custody of Abhishek Bacchan. Haaaa…At last we can relax. Lets pray to God that something like Drona Part II or Drona Reloaded does not come up…!!!

Jai RETAIL Devta

As the dazzling counters and the A.C splendor beckons from across the glass doors the Indian aam admi is gradually marching towards the latest boon called Reatil Outlets. From Satyendra Satoo to the Italian pasta…from the sadabahar Rupa banyan to the latest Playboy bonanza…a new definition seems to have come up for outdoor shopping.The almighty has been graceful enough to bring this Retail Revolution right next door.

The other day I thought of buying the monthly groceries from my nearest fancy retail outlet instead of the regular kirana shop. Away from the cry and crowd and dirt and exertion there I was in a calm, cool and tip top shopping archade.There were all around smiling ,soft spoken,smart,intelligent looking people searching for stuff in the well kept stacks pushing their thelas alongside. The smart salesmen roamed around helping out the customers in the most pleasant manner.


As I ventured along towards the cosmetics section to buy my monthly dose of toothpaste, body soap. shaving cream n bla bla…I was greeted by a couple of very smart, good looking and hot sales girls…”may I help u sir ???”…came one of them looking passionately at my eyes. ” A shampoo” I replied (as smartly as I could)…”For whom???” she asked… I was in a fix.Now,I needed a shampoo and not an underwear that has to be user specific !!! A little baffled I answered…”For me and my family”. But my cute acquaintance was not impressed. “ We always recommend shampoo s based on the hair texture sir .I suggest that this is perfect for your dry and parched hair” , and she handed me a green bottle studying very closely my flamboyant hair .” I also need a shaving cream and a soap FOR MYSELF” I insisted. She one again started to study my skin with great effort and dedication and only after a detailed analysis pronounced…”You ve rough and dry skin sir…here are some ayurvedic soaps and creams for you. They contain 201 very rare herbs, Almond oil, milk cream, and…&%$>(*>?#~....”(…well I cant remember all the ingredients of my divine soap, but I bet it had all the brightest stuff a soap could ever have….!!!). As I stuffed the ayurvedic miracles in my thela she also came up with a few hair gels and deodorants and after shave lotions and all such stuff which she assured would bring about unbelievable nourishment and lustre to my features. With so many gizmos I could easily open a Men’s Beauty Parlor right in my toilet. But who could say “NO” to such a charming girl. In the meantime very secretly I managed to take a Colgate. I was afraid that if I told her about toothpaste she would want to see my teeth and that could be really embarrassing…!!!....also it was dangerous because she could start suggesting toothpastes with all those of her unusual ayurvedic compositions as if manufactured in the world of Harry Potter. Having crossed my budget by almost a double I dragged my trophies back home.

The next day however I had to make a few more purchases and had a packet to exchange. I couldn’t help but marvel at the most efficient way in which I was stopped at the gate by the security guard. “Stop!!! What do you have there in that packet Sir???” he beamed. “I ve got things to exchange” , I replied. “You have to get a pass from the Security Control Room.” ,he advised. “Security Control Room???” ….it sounded very thrilling. It gave a feeling as if I was about to enter the most secured location in this country. I was reminded of those action packed Alister McLean novels where there would be FBI agents and secret defense installations and spies and stuff… Anyways I made a move and explained the situation to the guard posted there. By God this guy looked at me so hard… I swear that he could give Sherlock Holmes a run for his money. He fixed his ever suspicious eyes on my unfortunate packet and examined it with detail to confirm that it was a Pao Bhaji masala after all and not some deadly Research Developed Xplosive…!!!...being convinced in every aspect at last Sherlock handed me the pass.
As I made the other purchases ,I raced to the counter for the payments and exchange. However the guy in the counter declared the exchange could not be done because of …well God knows what. “I will have to consult my superiors”, he said and called for the floor manager. The consultation went for quite some time as I waited with the patience of Mahatma Gandhi. It seemed to me from the seriousness and determination of their faces that the debate was not about whether my Pao Bhaji masala could be exchanged for a Kasuri Methi , or rather it was a an acute effort to bring about a feasible solution for the financial crisis in the USA .At last the maverick floor manager nodded. The feat could be performed…Hurraaah…I paid the balance of Rs.6 and escaped.

At present the distinguished Retail Outlets hold 5% of the Indian market with an annual turnover of around 12 million bucks. I fear that sooner or later they will have a grasp on the entire nation. We are on the verge of losing the good old kirana shop and the poor sabjiwala clad in his dhoti. A market where there is no A.C or smart sales girls but the warmth and friendliness keep the spirits alive. Where there would be dirt and dust and shouting and action all the time. Where every customer is roaming about with a shopping bag searching for the best bargain. Where u can buy exactly what u need and not some fancy out of the world stuff the costs three times more. And with the friendly shopkeeper insisting…”List de do bhai…saaman main ghar bhijwa dunga. Hisab ka baad me dekh lenge.”